It’s been a while since we had any sort of serious play (did I mention we’re busy with DIY) and I’d got to really wanting some. On Saturday morning I expressed this feeling to Perrin, and he told me I was getting a seriously whipped bottom that evening!

As part of this discussion he picked up a piece of gripper rod (the stuff that holds carpets down, I did mention the DIY right?) and told me to roll over onto my front. He then proceeded to tap my bottom with it, ever so gently, starting my imagination going. I have to admit I’d looked at it before speculatively (it had been lying around for a week), but actually feeling the spikes gently pressing into my bottom left me visualising a little row of red punctures, and wondering how badly it would hurt.

A month ago if he’d done that, I would have been standing, back to the wall, saying “No”. Making holes in me was definitely a limit, and I would have tensed right up and refused to let him near me while I thought he might breach that. How much more pleasurable simply to submit, to let that decision be his, to allow the possibility. In fact, more than accepting, I would have welcomed those pinpricks if it had been his desire to inflict them.

As it turned out, it wasn’t. Curled up that evening we talked, and then he positioned me on my front. Spreading the duvet over me, covering my head, my body, my legs, leaving only my bottom and feet exposed. I lay warm and comfortable, cocooned in softness. He fetched the horsehair flogger, and began to whip me. First the soles of my feet. There’s a word for that, “bastinado” and it echoed through my head, as I breathed in the pain, and the comfort. Then Perrin’s attention moved to my bottom. I was enjoying this immensely, each stroke was thudding into me, but then in the spaces between there was warmth and softness. I pushed my bottom up, offering myself to him, to the pain. As he whipped me then, the strokes fell on my pussy lips, until I flattened out again, frustrated at my own weakness.

Perrin must have alternated between my bottom and my feet for a while, as I drifted in timeless surrender. He paused at one point, and when he returned he had brought a new weapon with him, the saw! It made the most wonderful noise, and was an altogether different sensation, flat and flexible, with the added frisson of knowing it had teeth. As I started to feel the pain might become too much, Perrin’s hands were on me, moving my knees apart and raising my bottom in the air, and I knew what must follow.

To my intense relief, he switched back to the flogger at this point, as he whipped my pussy. I tried to hold position, but found myself writhing with each stroke, until he had to reposition me. He continued to whip me, until I felt myself on the edge of tears. He paused again here, and I allowed my hand to curl over my sore pussy to comfort it briefly. He returned then, ordering my hand out of the way, but this time so he could mount me. He pounded into me then, his hands stroking where he had whipped me. Then finally, he ordered me to turn over, and I could stretch out beneath him, and joy of joys, orgasm with him inside me, before he came too.

I drifted into sleep after this, blissfully happy, and awoke in the morning still glowing with happiness (and still with a very sore bottom). I’m such a lucky girl.

Pushing my Limits

In trying to write anything about this weekend, I feel like the blind men trying to describe the elephant (if you have no idea what I mean then google for it). So much has happened and there are so many aspects which I could write about here.

For me though looking back, I think the recurring theme has been one of testing my submission. I do not mean that Perrin has been testing me (although perhaps he has) but rather that I have sought to test myself. I was not aware of that consciously over the weekend, but in retrospect I see my own behaviour and requests, which Perrin has been kind enough to grant, have been trying to assess my own submission.

The first test, which was at my suggestion, was a test of pain. Not quantity (I have a very low pain threshold, I’m ok with that), but rather testing my ability to accept it. Having realised that my whipping the previous week had been entirely on my bottom, I had wondered if I would be able to accept without seeking to protect myself, if the blows were falling elsewhere. I requested (and received) a flogging with our horsehair flogger, which is the gentlest of weapons. Perrin had me stand, naked, legs apart and on tiptoe reaching up to grasp the beam in the ceiling, while he whipped my entire body. He kept the rhythm nice and slow and I felt really focused and happy, listening to my breathing, and feeling the pain move around my body. I had my eyes shut, so the location and timing of each blow was a surprise, I wasn’t brave enough to open them and face anticipation as well.

The next test,was unexpected, but has given me a chance to banish a few demons. On Saturday evening Perrin had me on the leash, and sitting at his feet. He let me up on the sofa to eat dinner, and when I expressed a desire to go back on the floor afterwards, he suggested “in a good way” that I should “think about why I was happy at his feet”. So I sat and I thought.

I think I realised, that I wanted very much to submit to Perrin, and I wanted very much to express that feeling. I also realised I wanted to give him all of me, and all my submission, and that’s where I found my demon.

I have said previously that Sam gave me a collar. I also asked him the same question I asked Perrin. “How should I show you when I am feeling submissive and need your attention?” Sam’s answer was “crawl to me, naked, with your collar in your teeth”.

Perhaps foolishly, I trusted in that answer. My relationship with Sam was falling apart, although I hadn’t really realised it. Our sex life was practically non-existent, and I found myself desperately hoping that I could get some kind of reaction. I remember sitting in the hall, naked, holding my collar, and wondering if I dared go through with it. Needless to say, I dared, and I was rejected. I remember the hurt, but no details, a memory too humiliating (in a bad way!) to face. A reaction that left me unable to even think about any of the bdsm activities we’d shared without feeling physically sick.

Sitting at Perrin’s feet, thinking about that; I realised that over time I have reclaimed my pleasure in those activities, but the memory of that crawl still haunted me, and I wanted then to drive that demon away, and give Perrin that act of submission. At my request Perrin uncollared me, and let me walk away collar in hand without explanation. I went and stood in our hall, again facing my fear. I put my collar between my teeth, and naked, crawled back to my Master, afraid to look up, knowing that rejection would break me, but acceptance would heal me.

As always, he surprised me. He took my collar, and held it in his hands regarding me. “Are you worthy to be my slave” he asked. What a hard question. How could I say yes, when I have so much to learn, how could I say no, when I need so much to be accepted.

I gave him the truest answer I could, “I will try my very best, Master”.

He was gentle, “I can’t ask for anything more”. He buckled my collar back around my neck, and I was his completely.

The last test for me, was also the simplest. I have always known that my submission includes accepting anal sex, but it has been years since I have done it, and it still always scares me. I have known however that it was inevitable, and that anticipation and fear has dogged me for the last few weeks.  Suddenly though, as Perrin curled up behind me on Monday morning, his penis pushing gently against me, I found myself ready to accept it. He let me go on top, allowing me to control the initial penetration. Once he was inside me, I found myself relax into it, and the feel of his cock sliding easily in and out of my ass as I rode him was such a delight, I wondered why I had been so resistant.

And so, unexpectedly, the weekend became a journey through my submission. Perrin’s love and caring has enabled me to enjoy an intense array of experiences. It has revealed too, directions yet untraveled, and further adventures to take. Who knows what will happen next? *grin*