A Submissive Side (Or Not)

Who am I? Sometimes it’s simple. Sometimes I’m just a Domme, but sometimes it’s more complicated than that.

I’m confused, lonely, frightened, endlessly searching. I want confidence, reassurance, growth.
Sometimes I’m submissive, wanting to be used, abused and loved. But for me submission turns out to be a road that leads to pain and not the good kind either.

To give myself to a Dom, what would I be asking for? Let me tell you.
I want to be encouraged, I want their hand holding mine. I want them pushing the back of my bike as I cycle along until I’m flying and I turn and discover they let go some time ago and have just been running along side me for reassurance.
But when I wobble, then I need them to be holding fast, to stop me from falling.

No human being can possibly be expected to be that person, to take me to the darkest places in my soul and bring me back safely, to give me strength and never let me down. So, submission, for me is pain, disappointment, damage to a heart already scarred by hurt.

I cannot live those fantasies without harm, so I will not live them.
Yet they resurface now and again, to be enjoyed alone inside my mind and also, it seems, here with you.

How To Be The Perfect Dominant

CakeSo you want to know how to be the perfect Dominant and you’ve come looking for advice*. Well I can help you. If you are a submissive you might want to look here instead; but if following that advice gets you into trouble then you’re entirely on your own.

As a Dominant, always remember it’s all about your submissive’s pleasure. An unhappy submissive is an uncooperative submissive and nobody wants that.

As the Dominant you are expected not to need to ask your submissive what they want from you, that would be too easy. Instead you must learn to interpret their little signals. Do they lean up against you or put their head in your lap – they want to be fussed. Are they lying on their front, wriggling their bottom – they want to be spanked (gently of course). You will of course have to learn to distinguish this wriggle from the hip thrusting version which means that they want to be fucked.
Remember, a good dominant will not ask them which they want; you must just know.

As a Dominant you may also control what your submissive wears. This is a complicated area. In occasion your submissive may actively ask for your direction but they also sometimes need to be directed spontaneously. In either case it is important to choose garments that make your submissive feel sexy, no matter what the occasion (see previous comment about unhappy submissives). Start thinking of a good excuse why your submissive has turned up to the local ‘bring and buy’ sale in a straitjacket and frilly panties now.

While attempting to meet your submissive’s needs you may occasionally wish to also satisfy your own, which may not be what your submissive was expecting. Be warned, you may well encounter vigorous resistance. In this case, back off gently and go and do something else. Your submissive will come back to seek attention when they are good and ready.

As the perfect Dominant you must also provide them constantly with evidence that they are loved and wanted.
Bringing them coffee in bed is a good way to ensure they start the day remembering who owns them. Make sure too, to provide a good supply of treats. What sort of cake is their favourite? Find out. With a little effort you can have your submissive eating out of your hand (literally, if you like).

And really that’s all there is to it; with a little attention, mind reading and, of course, the perfect submissive – you too can be the perfect Dominant.

*Really? Here? 

One Simple Gesture

KneelingI could have entitled this post “one simple gesture that will enhance your D/s relationship” but I’m really not that pretentious.

There is one gesture that will melt my heart and move me. One little thing that means so much and it is this, my boy kneeling at my feet.

It’s simple, non sexual, even publicly acceptable but it puts our D/s relationship in central space for that moment.

I had Mat kneel for me recently in a busy town centre. I was amused (and not entirely surprised) at the cries of “say Yes” that ensued. What those observers didn’t know is in that moment we were both saying “yes” to each other. This gesture from him at my command underlines who we are.

He kneeled at my feet atop a beautiful hill as I sat on a throne like rock, my willing submissive, my boy, my own. No queen ever felt so powerful, so respected or so worshipped as I did then.

Mat kneeled at my feet unbidden at the end of a hard day and helped me off with my shoes. As he gently massaged my feet, I felt loved and cared for. A simple service, spontaneously offered and the more precious for it. He gave me his submission without words and I took it with joy.

It is a gesture that sums up who we are. It never fails to move me deeply. At my feet, my Boy offers himself and I accept gladly. I give him my love and my approval. There is no quicker way to my heart.

This then is my favourite view of my Boy.

The Bracelet

A hopelessly romantic fantasy of submission but this one is all mine.

“Your Mistress commands you wear this until you are with me again.” was all the note said.

Matthew looked at the contents of the envelope; one handwritten note and a simple black friendship band. He regarded it doubtfully.
‘At least it is subtle’ he thought. Tying it on his wrist was a tricky problem and involved the use of teeth but at last he got it fastened. He turned his wrist this way and that regarding the symbol of his bondage and then pushed it up under his cuff.

On the way into the office he was uncomfortably aware of the extra weight, although tiny, on his wrist. He found his eyes flicking to it as he drove.
“Still, if Mistress demands it” he reflected.

His morning was occasionally distracted by the presence of the bracelet on his wrist. He looked at it curiously wondering whether Rowena had made it herself, and as he thought of her and of seeing her that night a gentle smile fell across his face.
“Nice bracelet”, he looked up, startled, from his reverie as Marie from finance stood by his desk.
“Er, yes, thank you”, he muttered discomforted. Self consciously he tugged his shirt sleeve down to cover the friendship band up and hide the all too visible reminder of his submission.

In the afternoon he found his fingers running over it gently, turning about his wrist. A tiny link to his Mistress, loved but distant. He was her Boy, even here in the middle of his busy day.

Later, at home, he regarded it doubtfully as he stripped naked to have a shower.
‘Until you are with me’ the note had said. He left it on.

It survived unscathed, only a little damp, and he turned his wrist looking at it while he pondered what to wear to meet his Mistress. He pulled out a short sleeve shirt, as it was a warm night, and assessed his image in the mirror critically. The band simple and unobtrusive, yet marking him as an owned Boy, a possession, a plaything, Rowena’s. He was unaware of the pleasure in his face as he hurried out to meet her.

The bar they were meeting at was crowded. She was sitting at a table by herself. She had come straight from work and looked a little tired. Her face transformed as she saw him.
“Matthew”, she smiled with delight. “My Boy” she added quietly as she gestured him into the chair. She held out her hand imperiously and he put his wrist into it, the bracelet clearly on display.
“Good Boy”, her praise was sweet.

Later, much later, he found himself, naked, sore, kneeling at her feet, his head to the floor. Rowena stood over him, all tiredness vanished, refreshed by each moment she had used him, hurt him, played with him.
“Up Boy”, she lifted his head until he was looking up at her. She took his hand and stroked the bracelet knotted around it.
“Shall I release you from this now?”, she asked him gently.

He looked up at her adoringly, “No Mistress, please let me wear it”.

 

What It Means When My Boy Asks For Things

I love it when my boy comes to me submissively and kneels at my feet or snuggles his head against me.
I love it when 
my boy looks up at me, and says ‘may I ask you something’?
I love it when, permission granted, he then shares his little fantasy with me.
Sometimes he wants impossibly difficult things (I’m still looking for someone to whore my boy to), and sometimes he wants simple things, maybe just for me to hurt him in a particular way.

At one level I’m very grateful for these questions. I’m happy that he feels secure enough to share his fantasies, pleased that he’s giving me feedback about what scenes really work for him. On the other hand, I can’t help wondering if these requests are a subtle sign that I’m not being Domme-ly enough, not requiring enough from him.

A Domme’s necessary sanity check asks, am I failing to meet his needs? Do I need to give him more tasks, hurt him more often or even find more times for us to go out and play?

Beyond those practical details lies a more fundamental thought. Is he struggling to feel submissive to me? Does he truly see me as his Domme or merely as someone playing a role to please him?

Still I can imagine my boy finding it all too easy to tell me to my face if he wasn’t happy in my dominance. So I’m content to believe that the requests are what they seem. A boy seeking attention and pampering (of a very special sort) from his Domme. And that is something I am very happy to provide him.