I’m Polyamorous This Morning

I saw the interview about polyamory on This Morning yesterday and felt fairly disquieted. Certainly the presenters seemed sympathetic enough even if obviously bemused. The ‘relationship expert’ on the other hand was frankly dismissive and disapproving.

She was dismissive partly because the people concerned were all in their twenties, unmarried and childless. One felt she was saying very much “You’ll grow out of this and then regret it”. Perhaps they will. On the other hand, even if they later decide to ‘settle down’ into a monogamous marriage why should that mean that the choices they are making are wrong for them now?

Perrin and I have come at this from the other direction. Starting with the monogamous marriage and then opening out to include others in our lives. I don’t feel that monogamy has failed us, I was happily monogamous for a long time. Why then should polyamory be a failure even if it is not permanent? Why, too, assume that it will fail simply because it fails for some people? A significant percentage of marriages fail, yet no one (hopefully) says to a bride “it’ll end in tears”.

Indeed the lady in question’s attitude seemed to be largely ‘you’re going to get your comeuppance when you get hurt’. Certainly they will get hurt. Every relationship carries with it a certain amount of pain; engaging in more than one at once inevitably increases the potential of getting hurt. But then it increases the potential for joy too, it provides additional support to get one through difficulties and is incredibly rewarding.
I’m sure it’s not for everyone but then there are people who choose to live celibate lives and that’s not for everyone either. It would be lovely if everyone was free to choose the relationships which they desired for themselves without censure.

I found this interview a sad reminder of how many people would fail to understand our own choices, and some of those are people I really don’t want to hurt. Nevertheless it will go some way to raising the issue in some people’s minds, letting them start to question the model of relationships and perhaps one day leading to a little more understanding.
That can only be a good thing.

All credit too to the three brave ladies who kept their cool and put their points across calmly on national television. I’m suitably impressed.

Play O – Review

We recently bought some Durex ‘Play O’ lubricant which claims to “stimulate, increase desire and bring you the most intense orgasms you’ve ever experienced”, which seemed like an interesting claim. Given the difficulty I sometimes have cumming, it was certainly an appealing option.

The packaging was beautiful. A lovely little glass pot, which you screw the pump top into. It had that perfume packaging feel, which given that it was similarly expensive is a good thing.

Perrin applied it  over my pussy, and instantly it felt cold, like menthol. Then it began to burn. I certainly felt an increased desire at this point. I couldn’t decide if the sensations were pleasant  or painful. I guess in some ways it didn’t matter.

We made love, and then Perrin masturbated me to orgasm, after a second application of the gel. I have to say, I didn’t feel that it made it any easier for me to reach orgasm (it took ages), and although the orgasm was intense, it wasn’t any more intense than normal (I may not cum easily but when I do it’s Good).

On the whole, interesting, but not any more fun than ginger *grins*. I guess we’ll enjoy using it up, but I don’t see us buying it again.


A while ago we watched ‘Equilibrium’. It’s a film set in a bleak future where emotion is forbidden and people are forced to take drugs to suppress their feelings. Clearly the film presents this as a bad situation, but ironically I hadn’t realised just how bad it could be.

Some time ago I started taking the mini pill. In many ways this was an excellent thing. Apart from the contraceptive benefits it also completely suppressed my periods; which were sometimes very uncomfortable. I remember reading the accompanying leaflet and expressing distress at the possible ‘changes in sex drive’. On taking it though, it seemed fine. After taking it for a month I did suspect it had lowered my libido a little but I’m pretty highly sexed normally so there seemed little harm.

I assumed that was that. But although you age a little every day, you never notice it in the mirror in the morning. So bring us up to a few months ago, and our sex life had dropped off almost entirely. When we tried to talk about it, I figured it must be the classic ‘not enough foreplay’ but somehow I could never respond enthusiastically. I dread to think how long this situation might have continued had I not developed other side effects (itching) which made intercourse actually uncomfortable as opposed to merely unexciting.

We went to see a doctor, who after taking a good look, suggested that the problem might be caused by the pill and suggested I come off it. I could see my husband’s face freeze instantly, he was not keen on this idea, but we had nothing else to try.

Even so it took a few weeks before I decided to stop taking it; but after all, I could always start again if it didn’t help. After four days the itching was almost gone, and then, the most amazing thing, I found my pussy was damp. It was a bit like hitting puberty again. I was amazed. I was astonished that I had forgotten that my body used to do that. And then, really like puberty, I kissed my husband and ‘Whoosh’! Talk about a sudden rush of lust. I’d forgotten how it felt, simply to kiss. I really fancy this man!

I rediscovered sex a bit like a traveller in the desert discovering water, drinking thirstily, desperately. Then to my continued surprise, following naturally on, came my submissive feelings, pouring back into me, and I felt suddenly whole. Myself again.

Looking back though, I feel angry. Angry that nobody warned me this could happen, that the pill could steal my enjoyment and lust away, slowly and stealthily. Angry for me, but most of all for my husband. I denied him everything I promised to give him so long before; not simply my body, but my pleasure, my enthusiasm for him and for all that we can do together.

I am still amazed that he bore that time so patiently, still loving and generous, never angry or resentful with me over my rejection of him.  I feel such sorrow that I could have hurt him so badly, even unwillingly. I don’t know how to get past that yet.

My renewed submission is now a continuation of something we started exploring, tentatively, so long ago, and I am grateful, that he has let me so readily return to joy.  Too, I am determined not to let him down. He has earned my devotion many times over, and I will repay in such currency as I have, and as he chooses *grin*.