Finding The Time

Recently I whipped Mat. It was enjoyable, satisfying but brief. So often I find, time is the biggest constraint of all.

Mat is my bitch, all the time, but that doesn’t mean I can just wade in and hit him without warning (naturally I’m excluding the odd swipe for being cheeky here). He and I both need to be feeling our places, feel the relationship in place, before we can strengthen it with play.

Sometimes I wonder that we ever find the time. To start with the two of us have to be together, physically. Then we both have to be feeling reasonably well and not too tired (how many evenings is that in itself too much). Then we need to know that we have time alone. Interruptions, distractions all make focus difficult, even inanimate ones such as having household chores to complete. Then, and we are nearly there, we need time to shed the cares of the day. To get ‘real world’ business sorted so that we can focus on our D/s relationship in the moment. Then we need time to touch, to talk, to take ourselves together into that place.

If we reach that point then he is mine and mine alone and I can indulge my desires and fulfill both our needs to be our kinky selves.
I can brandish whip or paddle, and watch him lying still, taking the pain I give him. I can listen to his delightful whimpers and thrill to their music. I can be his Domme. But then too soon, the real world intrudes again and the moment is over.

Much of this is inevitable but I cannot help wondering if there is some way of making the process of reaching that moment quicker, to maximise our time there. What would get Mat and I there quicker and more easily? What would give us more time to play?


So I’ve been thinking about what attracts me to people. It’s not primarily physical appearance, although a fairly regular set of features is admittedly an advantage. Instead I find myself attracted to people primarily by their behaviour and personality.

Certainly, I have a distinct weakness for ‘gentlemen’. It goes against my upbringing, but open the car door for me, or take my coat, and I will certainly warm to someone.
That behaviour of course, can easily be learned. I’ll point out here that I sincerely hope that someone is teaching the young men of today these skills, because they would be sorely missed if they died out.

Even more attractive than those traits though, are some classic gentlemanly virtues.
Honesty is certainly important to me. The ability to believe what someone says, to trust them to keep their promises. With that also I think, comes integrity. I realise how much I admire people who are true to themselves, even in the face of difficulties.
Patience is another characteristic I appreciate, twinned I think with tenacity. This is something I struggle with myself, finding it far too easy to give up on things.
Compassion and friendship are also something I value enormously. Someone who stands by their friends, who is there for them when they need help, is someone I want to be friends with.

Although I say gentlemanly virtues, in the interests of equality I should add that those virtues can certainly be held by women as well, and are equally as admirable when found there.

Of course, it can be delightful too, when the ‘gentleman’ turns out to have a wicked side, but that’s another subject entirely.