I recently needed to describe my relationship with Mat. His description of me was ‘Owner’ which seemed appropriate but I started thinking about the other options theoretically available. One of those was ‘Mistress’ a word which led me on to thinking about titles.
I have never asked Mat to give me a title. Indeed when we discussed it, long ago, I specifically refused one. After all my main options seemed to be ‘Goddess’ or ‘Mistress’. I am not arrogant enough to see myself as some pseudo-deity and I don’t want to be grovelled to.
In reality, of course, such options were never truly open to me. Let’s be clear, when Mat uses the word ‘Mistress’ it is said with a cheeky look, an Igor-like lisp and a twist to the shoulder that shouts ‘demented hunchback’ more clearly than any words could say.
If I had delusions of grandeur such mocking respect would bring me down to earth very quickly but luckily I have no such delusions.
Once however I laughingly challenged him to call me Mistress without the lisp, to make it sound genuine. He rose to the occasion and I heard love and respect in that one word. I had not realised until then how beautiful a title could sound.
On another occasion I demanded the word from a distance. I expected the playful humour to surface and the texted reply to say ‘Mith-treth’ I was startled and delighted when it didn’t.
So I find myself now appreciating the idea of having a title, something more than my name, something which expresses our relationship and makes me feel like his Domme.
The next question is inevitably, what should such a title be. Although recently there have been a couple of times when Mat has called me ‘Mistress’, casually and in passing and it has felt freely given and genuine it is still not quite who I am.
Of course I am a ‘Tiny Domme’ but that name though written is never spoken. It is a signature not a way to address me.
Then, out of the blue, he called me something that suddenly felt wonderful and right. Inherently both respectful and loving. Reflecting our relationship; I am, after all, his as much as he is mine. It is not a title used by a slave but one given by a man, who stands tall and proud and bends his knee only as he chooses.
Still the irony of finding such a title attractive is that I cannot ask or demand it. It must be freely given to be worth having and I can’t actually imagine Mat seriously giving me any title formally no matter what it was.
Perhaps, though, that doesn’t matter; perhaps it’s more important that I see myself that way than it is to be called that out loud. After all, perhaps what’s important is that I know who I am and behave accordingly.
So I won’t share that title with you here, for now it is my secret, my deep and inscrutable name.
Guesses are permitted although I may not tell you if you are correct, also bonus points for anyone who recognises the unsubtle reference.