Reclaiming My Fantasies

I remember when I was single. It was a long time ago. In those days my sex life was mine alone.

I would go to bed early, sometimes to watch TV or to read but then to lie back and pursue a story in my head, to follow it wherever it led me. Invariably I would wank myself to sleep. At one stage I remember having an imaginary lover who would come to me (through the bedroom window) every night and we would… well, let’s just say that’s my little secret for now.

I realise now how much I miss some aspects of that time. Being able to go to bed in my own bed, alone, and enjoy my fantasies to the full, acting out such parts as were possible.

My fantasies too were my own. My secrets, told to no one. Crafted to satisfy my desires. Unreal and unassailable.

Nowadays my fantasies are more hybrid. Fantasies told to my Boy are often shaped to satisfy his desires. Kinky, perverted, extreme lusts which feed his desire and allow me to give him pleasure. Fantasies here are often written to explore an idea, for the intellectual challenge or because I enjoy arousing my readers.

My own fantasies, the private ones, are hard to find time and space for. It’s rare for me to have a bedroom to myself and the time to relax and enjoy it without expectation of interruption. It’s hard for me to let my mind go these days without trying to ‘improve’ my fantasies to make them more acceptable or realistic.

I think however it’s time I tried. So I’m going to make time for me to wank. And when I find a fantasy of my own I’m going to post it here without apology. They’re not real, they’re merely fantasies but they are entirely my own.

Medical Masturbation

Rob had signed up for a medical study on human sexuality. It didn’t sound too onerous at all. Spend a week staying in a medical research ward being looked after, fed and wanking occasionally. Best of all he would be paid for the privilege.

He arrived at the hospital early one morning. The nurse on duty at the reception desk was a pretty little blonde thing. Rob smiled at her warmly, he had no doubt that she would figure in his wanking fantasies that week. She gave him several forms to fill out, medical questionnaires and a consent form. He didn’t read too closely, merely signing and returning them with a flirtatious grin.
Then he was told to sit and wait for a while, until he was be called in to see the doctor running the study. Continue reading “Medical Masturbation”

My Selfish Lust

My sexual desire seems to have turned inwards recently. I’m feeling sexy, but not necessarily with or for anyone. Partly I feel I’m not getting it quite right with my sexual partners. I can’t seem to line up my desires with actual sex. Perhaps because what I want is so specific, or just because some days these things don’t come together.

What I want for myself right now is pleasure. I want physical sensation that overwhelms me and leaves me dazed, sticky and happy. I want delight, obsession and intensity.

I also don’t want to have to please someone else. I don’t want to have to work at bringing someone else off. I don’t want to have to do things to entertain them. I want to be the centre of attention. I want to be pleasured and adored all without having to lift a finger.

Perhaps you think, being a Domme, I should have all this already? But I don’t want to command obedience either, I don’t want mere mechanical service, that would be little more than masturbation and that I can do for myself.
Plus I don’t see being a Domme as the right to be selfish; on the contrary if my Boy gives up his pleasure to me then I am the more responsible for supplying it to him.

What I want is an unprompted desire to please me, the knowledge and confidence to do so without direction or prompting and an enthusiasm that allows me to relax, to let go, to float on waves of pleasure wherever they may take me.

Selfish? Yes. But that’s where my desires are taking me right now. So for now, they’re taking me there alone.

The Five Part Hangover Cure

I awoke feeling dreadful. In fairness I wasn’t so much hung over as still slightly drunk. I didn’t really have much of a headache but my day at work was clearly going to be a challenge.

Inevitably I wanted my usual hangover cure.

Coffee

Perrin got up and made me this before I went to work. Thus fortified I made it out of the house albeit shakily.

Solpadeine

I’d grabbed a couple of tablets before leaving the house and gratefully dropped them in a glass of water when I got to work.

Orange Juice

I had clementines to eat at work and a fizzy vitamin C tablet which went into the mix with the painkillers. Sitting at my desk I downed the mixture and began to feel better.

Bacon

Mid-morning I wandered out to the rather dodgy burger van across the road. Supplied thus with both fresh air and a well stuffed bacon roll I returned to my office. While I sat munching at my desk I decided I might as well attempt to complete the cure while still at work.

Orgasm

My trusty Lelo was to hand as usual so I headed off to the toilets for a few moments of privacy. Leaning back against the wall I allowed my mind to wander…

I was out with Mat at a play party somewhere. I tied him to a bench. He was naked, bent over, legs spread. His head hung down slightly over the far end. Arms and legs fastened in place, he couldn’t move.

I got out my sharpies and began to write.
“Fuck me” I began across his bottom. People wandering by looked, read and paused.
I moved on to his back, “I’m a slut and a whore”, “Use me”, “Spunk on me”, “Make me suck you”, “Fuck my face and my cunt”, “Enjoy me”, “Abuse me”.

I moved back to sit down nearby. I watched as people moved forward to read what had been written, to run their fingers over his naked flesh, over the words inscribed there. I watched as a man unzipped his trousers and forced his cock into my boy’s mouth. A Domme in a strap on moved in to take him from behind. Around him were a crowd of people, men and women, wanking, watching, waiting their turn.

…I saw my Boy used and abused and I came.
Eyes opened slowly, reality returned. I went back to my desk with a smile and feeling so much better.