Reclaiming My Fantasies

I remember when I was single. It was a long time ago. In those days my sex life was mine alone.

I would go to bed early, sometimes to watch TV or to read but then to lie back and pursue a story in my head, to follow it wherever it led me. Invariably I would wank myself to sleep. At one stage I remember having an imaginary lover who would come to me (through the bedroom window) every night and we would… well, let’s just say that’s my little secret for now.

I realise now how much I miss some aspects of that time. Being able to go to bed in my own bed, alone, and enjoy my fantasies to the full, acting out such parts as were possible.

My fantasies too were my own. My secrets, told to no one. Crafted to satisfy my desires. Unreal and unassailable.

Nowadays my fantasies are more hybrid. Fantasies told to my Boy are often shaped to satisfy his desires. Kinky, perverted, extreme lusts which feed his desire and allow me to give him pleasure. Fantasies here are often written to explore an idea, for the intellectual challenge or because I enjoy arousing my readers.

My own fantasies, the private ones, are hard to find time and space for. It’s rare for me to have a bedroom to myself and the time to relax and enjoy it without expectation of interruption. It’s hard for me to let my mind go these days without trying to ‘improve’ my fantasies to make them more acceptable or realistic.

I think however it’s time I tried. So I’m going to make time for me to wank. And when I find a fantasy of my own I’m going to post it here without apology. They’re not real, they’re merely fantasies but they are entirely my own.

Medical Masturbation

Rob had signed up for a medical study on human sexuality. It didn’t sound too onerous at all. Spend a week staying in a medical research ward being looked after, fed and wanking occasionally. Best of all he would be paid for the privilege.

He arrived at the hospital early one morning. The nurse on duty at the reception desk was a pretty little blonde thing. Rob smiled at her warmly, he had no doubt that she would figure in his wanking fantasies that week. She gave him several forms to fill out, medical questionnaires and a consent form. He didn’t read too closely, merely signing and returning them with a flirtatious grin.
Then he was told to sit and wait for a while, until he was be called in to see the doctor running the study. Continue reading “Medical Masturbation”

My Selfish Lust

My sexual desire seems to have turned inwards recently. I’m feeling sexy, but not necessarily with or for anyone. Partly I feel I’m not getting it quite right with my sexual partners. I can’t seem to line up my desires with actual sex. Perhaps because what I want is so specific, or just because some days these things don’t come together.

What I want for myself right now is pleasure. I want physical sensation that overwhelms me and leaves me dazed, sticky and happy. I want delight, obsession and intensity.

I also don’t want to have to please someone else. I don’t want to have to work at bringing someone else off. I don’t want to have to do things to entertain them. I want to be the centre of attention. I want to be pleasured and adored all without having to lift a finger.

Perhaps you think, being a Domme, I should have all this already? But I don’t want to command obedience either, I don’t want mere mechanical service, that would be little more than masturbation and that I can do for myself.
Plus I don’t see being a Domme as the right to be selfish; on the contrary if my Boy gives up his pleasure to me then I am the more responsible for supplying it to him.

What I want is an unprompted desire to please me, the knowledge and confidence to do so without direction or prompting and an enthusiasm that allows me to relax, to let go, to float on waves of pleasure wherever they may take me.

Selfish? Yes. But that’s where my desires are taking me right now. So for now, they’re taking me there alone.

The Five Part Hangover Cure

I awoke feeling dreadful. In fairness I wasn’t so much hung over as still slightly drunk. I didn’t really have much of a headache but my day at work was clearly going to be a challenge.

Inevitably I wanted my usual hangover cure.


Perrin got up and made me this before I went to work. Thus fortified I made it out of the house albeit shakily.


I’d grabbed a couple of tablets before leaving the house and gratefully dropped them in a glass of water when I got to work.

Orange Juice

I had clementines to eat at work and a fizzy vitamin C tablet which went into the mix with the painkillers. Sitting at my desk I downed the mixture and began to feel better.


Mid-morning I wandered out to the rather dodgy burger van across the road. Supplied thus with both fresh air and a well stuffed bacon roll I returned to my office. While I sat munching at my desk I decided I might as well attempt to complete the cure while still at work.


My trusty Lelo was to hand as usual so I headed off to the toilets for a few moments of privacy. Leaning back against the wall I allowed my mind to wander…

I was out with Mat at a play party somewhere. I tied him to a bench. He was naked, bent over, legs spread. His head hung down slightly over the far end. Arms and legs fastened in place, he couldn’t move.

I got out my sharpies and began to write.
“Fuck me” I began across his bottom. People wandering by looked, read and paused.
I moved on to his back, “I’m a slut and a whore”, “Use me”, “Spunk on me”, “Make me suck you”, “Fuck my face and my cunt”, “Enjoy me”, “Abuse me”.

I moved back to sit down nearby. I watched as people moved forward to read what had been written, to run their fingers over his naked flesh, over the words inscribed there. I watched as a man unzipped his trousers and forced his cock into my boy’s mouth. A Domme in a strap on moved in to take him from behind. Around him were a crowd of people, men and women, wanking, watching, waiting their turn.

…I saw my Boy used and abused and I came.
Eyes opened slowly, reality returned. I went back to my desk with a smile and feeling so much better.

Wanking In The Office

The forbidden is always desirable. Even more when it is actually, well, desire.

I’d been getting horny at work, my head full of fantasies and desires. Thinking about my Boy, aided and abetted by a couple of provocative blog posts I’d read in my lunch hour. So finally I took my LELO Mia 2 off to the ladies room. I hid in one of the cubicles and turned the vibrator on under cover of the noise of the extractor fan. I stood up against the wall, legs apart, worked my toy against my clit and wow.

If I’m honest it wasn’t the most earth shattering orgasm but it was definitely an orgasm. For me, standing up, that’s amazing. It was pretty quick too but then I’d been very ready for it.  Then I had to walk back to my desk, LELO tucked back in my pocket, trying hard not to smirk.

Of course, as a one-off occurrence one shouldn’t draw too many conclusions. So purely for research purposes I did it again the next day. With different fantasies, but the same toy and the same result.

It was naughty, satisfying and fun; I may be smirking for weeks.

Lelo Mia 2 – Review

I don’t write many reviews because I don’t buy toys very often but in this case I was lucky enough to be given this as a present.

The initial unpacking was an absolute delight. The outer box was simply purple on one side with ‘LELO’ written on it and the reverse has a picture of the toy and a brief description of it. The inner box is completely black (with LELO embossed subtly upon it) and when opened the toy nestles in a black velvety recess. With it is a manual, a credit card like registration card and a sachet of lube.

The Lelo Mia 2 with my largest USB stick for comparison
The Lelo Mia 2 with my largest USB stick for comparison

The Mia 2 itself  is a small lipstick shaped object with a silver band around it. One end is the cap, which twists off to reveal the usb plug for charging. It arrived completely uncharged so the first thing I did was to plug it in to a computer for a while.

The Mia 2 is a little larger and heavier than most memory sticks so you might prefer to plug it in via a cable although it showed no signs of drooping on my computer. When plugged in an led flashes to let you know it’s charging and then glows continuously when charging is complete. As the only branding on the product is the ‘LELO’ on the cap when plugged in it is relatively discreet but the flashing led is bright enough to draw attention to it if people are curious.

While it was charging I decided to sit down with the manual and find out what my new toy could do. This was a slightly disappointing experience. The manual is one of those tiny but thick booklets written in several (twelve) languages. The English section is at the front, and the first couple of pages deals with the warranty information which, naturally, I skimmed over. The next section deals with charging and tells you only to use ‘original chargers provided by LELO’ an instruction I took with a pinch of salt.

Next came the part I was looking for: the controls. I was irritated to find instructions for three, four, two and one button interfaces in this section rather than just the instructions for the Mia 2. My OCD tendencies now flaring at the annoying order of these sections; I had to check which section I needed. I went and looked at my toy (still charging) and then read the relevant instructions.

Being a two button interface there are only plus and minus buttons. The plus turns it on and ramps up the power. Pressing and holding it for a couple of seconds allows you to switch between vibration modes. The minus button returns it to continuous vibration, lowers the power and eventually turns it off.

Having given the toy an initial charge it was time to take it for a test drive, literally. While Mat drove us to see friends, I sat next to him and experimented. There are six vibration patterns and I found one I liked, which I’d describe as waves (the manual failed to describe what the six ‘thrilling’ vibration patterns actually are) and settled back to enjoy it.

Enjoy I certainly did, while small it fits comfortably in my hand and was easy to position. The buttons are silicone covered so it’s easy enough to find them by touch (once you note which is nearest the metal band) and I managed to bring myself to a rather enjoyable orgasm with it.

One downside for me is that there is no power control over the alternative vibration patterns, which leaves some of them simply too strong and the vibration in my hand too intense for my gentle preferences. However between the wave pattern and the standard vibration I was well satisfied and I suspect there’s something here for everyone.

One nice thing is how quiet this toy seems. Even on full power this toy is not really very loud but it is sufficiently buzzy to be too loud to use in the toilets at work discreetly (yes, I tried, purely for research purposes you understand).

The manual also ‘helpfully’ suggests you ‘check whether your LELO is splash-proof or waterproof’. According to the outer box the Mia 2 is waterproof but I’m unsure how fully submersible it is so haven’t yet taken it to play in the bath although washing it under the tap showed no signs of leakage. The cap over the usb connector fits on and twists round a few degrees but it is such a slight twist that I wonder if it would be easy to dislodge during use. I may have to experiment further in this regard.

On the whole though, it is a beautiful, portable toy, which can be carried around easily and charged conveniently which makes it perfect for an ‘emergency wank‘ now and again.

Manufacturers statistics:

Materials: ABS Plastic / Phthalate-Free Silicone
Finish: Glossy ABS Plastic
Size: 111 x 22 x 22mm
Weight: 32g
Battery: Li-lon 70mAh 3.7V
Charging: 1 h at 5.0V 100mA
User Time: Up to 1.5 hours
Standby: Up to 90 days
Frequency: 120Hz
Max Noise Level*: < 50dB

*I attempted to confirm this measurement by holding the vibrator next to my phone running a sound measuring application and it read 55dB on low power and 70dB on full power but I have no measure of the applications accuracy.