It’s been a while since we had any sort of serious play (did I mention we’re busy with DIY) and I’d got to really wanting some. On Saturday morning I expressed this feeling to Perrin, and he told me I was getting a seriously whipped bottom that evening!

As part of this discussion he picked up a piece of gripper rod (the stuff that holds carpets down, I did mention the DIY right?) and told me to roll over onto my front. He then proceeded to tap my bottom with it, ever so gently, starting my imagination going. I have to admit I’d looked at it before speculatively (it had been lying around for a week), but actually feeling the spikes gently pressing into my bottom left me visualising a little row of red punctures, and wondering how badly it would hurt.

A month ago if he’d done that, I would have been standing, back to the wall, saying “No”. Making holes in me was definitely a limit, and I would have tensed right up and refused to let him near me while I thought he might breach that. How much more pleasurable simply to submit, to let that decision be his, to allow the possibility. In fact, more than accepting, I would have welcomed those pinpricks if it had been his desire to inflict them.

As it turned out, it wasn’t. Curled up that evening we talked, and then he positioned me on my front. Spreading the duvet over me, covering my head, my body, my legs, leaving only my bottom and feet exposed. I lay warm and comfortable, cocooned in softness. He fetched the horsehair flogger, and began to whip me. First the soles of my feet. There’s a word for that, “bastinado” and it echoed through my head, as I breathed in the pain, and the comfort. Then Perrin’s attention moved to my bottom. I was enjoying this immensely, each stroke was thudding into me, but then in the spaces between there was warmth and softness. I pushed my bottom up, offering myself to him, to the pain. As he whipped me then, the strokes fell on my pussy lips, until I flattened out again, frustrated at my own weakness.

Perrin must have alternated between my bottom and my feet for a while, as I drifted in timeless surrender. He paused at one point, and when he returned he had brought a new weapon with him, the saw! It made the most wonderful noise, and was an altogether different sensation, flat and flexible, with the added frisson of knowing it had teeth. As I started to feel the pain might become too much, Perrin’s hands were on me, moving my knees apart and raising my bottom in the air, and I knew what must follow.

To my intense relief, he switched back to the flogger at this point, as he whipped my pussy. I tried to hold position, but found myself writhing with each stroke, until he had to reposition me. He continued to whip me, until I felt myself on the edge of tears. He paused again here, and I allowed my hand to curl over my sore pussy to comfort it briefly. He returned then, ordering my hand out of the way, but this time so he could mount me. He pounded into me then, his hands stroking where he had whipped me. Then finally, he ordered me to turn over, and I could stretch out beneath him, and joy of joys, orgasm with him inside me, before he came too.

I drifted into sleep after this, blissfully happy, and awoke in the morning still glowing with happiness (and still with a very sore bottom). I’m such a lucky girl.

Surrendering Limits

This is the ‘after’ part of the previous post.

I went upstairs and sought reassurance from Perrin. Asking him what I got in exchange for trusting him? It wasn’t the real question. He asked me if I was frightened, and I realised that I was. The question I was asking was simply, what protection did I have against him abusing my trust.

His answer was beautiful, “You have my heart, always”.

So simple, the truth. This relationship, our marriage, so precious to both of us. He wants no more to damage it than I do. That love ensures what I already knew; that his power is used for good. Pain used only to bring pleasure.

We discussed my limits together, in the light of this security, and he asked me which ones I was prepared to give up.

I asked which ones he wanted.

“All of them”.

That moment when the ground drops away, and your heart stops. Could I? Honestly, I don’t know if I could obey if he pushed those limits, but I can agree to try. In truth, can any human being ever truly promise more than to try?

So I surrendered. “Take all of them” I said.

We kissed. We made love. A master and his slave girl. Control surrendered and replaced with trust.

I feel happy, ecstatic, at peace. This feels right. The decision made, sits easily on my shoulders.

I was afraid I would feel powerless, unable to function. Unable to make my own decisions, where I must. Afraid that feeling helpless would make me afraid to live my life.

Today, I feel none of that. Today I feel strong, powerful, complete. Able to be who I truly am, and trust in Perrin’s hand to guide me.

Today nothing has changed.

Today everything has changed.

Considering Limits

I wrote this at 5am this morning and it is already out of date, but Perrin asked me to post it anyway. This is the ‘before’ part of my thoughts.

I’m very aware at the moment that I have a set of ‘hard limits’ which delineate Perrin’s control over me.

One set is sexual/kink related of course. Mostly those overlap with Perrin’s preferences, but I have a few additional restrictions. I’m well aware how easily I could be persuaded to ‘stretch’ those, if not drop them altogether; however they do consist of things which quite honestly I don’t think I can handle either mentally or physically at the moment.

The other set is areas of ‘real world’ things which I don’t want to change, or that I don’t think I could handle not being in control of. These are limits which I’m quite protective of, partly simply for myself, and partly because I want to protect Perrin from doing something which would hurt me and therefore damage my trust in him.

In a conversation yesterday he said he wanted to ‘replace my hard limits with trust’. It’s this which is fascinating me at the moment. To what extent am I responsible for my sanity or happiness. Would giving Perrin the power to destroy it be a bad thing. In many ways of course he has that already, even within my limits, the potential for damage is huge. Too, I believe he wants me to be happy and sane, if something is really important to me, why would he not give it to me?

Perhaps I believe that power is irresistible. If I tell him he can do something, surely he will have to try; even if that something will hurt me. “All power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”.

Yet, I trust Perrin. I believe wholeheartedly that he wants what is best for me. Throughout our relationship he has helped me grow, strengthened me and brought me joy.

Is it not both parties in a relationship’s responsibility to prevent harm. Without the possibility of harm however, there is no trust.

But I am wondering. Does Perrin trust me? What do I get in exchange for giving my trust?

At this point I went upstairs to discuss these questions with Perrin.