This Is Who We Are

Vanilla is not the only flavour. Thankfully.

Mat and I were out of sync somehow and I was struggling to get my head around it.

As part of our conversations he asked me “would it be disastrous if our relationship wasn’t D/s”? My instant reaction was “no”; after all my love for him is certainly not conditional on that side of our relationship but it is a question which continued to play through my thoughts. Later on I was still thinking about it. Wondering how I would feel if Mat were not my boy, if our relationship were purely vanilla. Vanilla is a lovely flavour, and the vanilla side of my life is rich and loving, but imagining myself a purely vanilla girl all the time was achingly awful. I don’t want that; a life completely without kink would be only half a life.

It was then that a realisation struck. That imagining taking the D/s out of my relationship with Mat left me vanilla because Perrin and I are struggling with our D/s too. But I am not a vanilla girl, I am a submissive and a Domme.

At another point in our conversations, as Mat lay naked in my lap, my owned boy, he had said “this is who we are”. That phrase also struck me deeply. This is who we are. Not all that we are but a real and very deep part. It is who we are together because each of us is the person that we are individually.

Realising that made something else very clear. I have been resisting submission, hiding from even the thought of it, frightened of getting hurt – but this is who I am. I need to acknowledge that.

I need Mat kneeling at my feet and I in turn need to kneel at Perrin’s.

Remembering that I found the strength to indeed kneel at my master’s feet. To offer what submission I have without expectation. To call him ‘Sir’ and be his little one once again.

This does not mean that everything is perfect, or indeed that we will be doing a big scene any time soon but it does mean that we are ourselves. We are not shutting off one part of life completely to deal with another.
He is my Dom and I am his submissive. This is who we are.

What’s Hot

As part of a conversation about forced bi behaviour, a question came up. Which was hotter, someone being forced to suck another man’s cock or forcing them to be the recipient of another man’s attentions?

The situation was initially described as one act being forced and one willing, but actually in both of those scenarios, one of them is taking part willingly and the other is doing it because they’ve been ordered to, regardless of who is the active party.

So that didn’t lead me to easily identify a preference.

Imagining a situation in which both parties are either willing or forced presents a clearer picture. I’ll admit now that I find the forced one is a little bit hotter. I think it’s at least in part because it involves more than just the two men involved.

While the willing participants may be enjoying what they’re doing, in many ways they are ignoring the observer. Although they may of course enjoy having an audience.

Where (at least) one party is participating as an act of submission it adds an extra dimension to the experience. It is inherently being done for an audience of at least one.

Even if the dominant party wasn’t actually present at the time, one has to imagine that they know about what is happening, have planned it, and will enjoy a full report later.

In any case that aspect definitely adds to the hotness of the whole scene for me. I guess that just means I like kink.

Tesco knows I’m kinky

I was on a shopping trip to Tesco a few days ago. While wondering around the aisles I found their sports section.
In what is probably a new line for them, were a selection of horse riding equipment.

Now, I had been looking for a crop to add to our toy collection for some time. Well I say looking, the reality was I’d bottled out of going into one of the local riding stores: “No I don’t ride myself. It’s for a friend. No, really!”

It was easy to slip one into the trolley – I hid it under some leeks.

As I walked around the rest of the store, I wondered how many of these were bought for kinky usage. Who actually bought riding equipment in Tesco *for riding*? It’s not as if it’s particularly high quality.

As I went through the checkout (aren’t the self scanning tills useful?), I unthinkingly scanned my clubcard. Somewhere, deep in some Tesco computer bank, my record has been marked as into kink.

I wonder if I’ll get vouchers for rope next month?