A View Forward

Blogging seems to have fallen by the wayside in my life, but then to a lesser extent so has kink. I don’t recall the last play party I went to, and it’s been so long now that I would have to learn my party confidence all over again.

Still Mat and I maintain some level of domestic kink,which is delightful and has the advantage of being warm, convenient and not requiring me to wear uncomfortable shoes.

As ever, I’m not bored. My life has many strands of things I want to spend my time doing, interspersed with the things I have to spend my time doing. This coming year is going to be ‘interesting’ and I don’t yet know what that will mean for kink. Still I’m going to try to grab the opportunities I can find and have as much fun as I can even if I don’t have much to share here.

Sometimes It Is All About Me

Being a Domme is all about the submissive. I think I’ve mentioned this before.

But there are moments when that isn’t true. When my Boy runs me a bath with candles and bubbles. When he then washes me gently and massages my feet. When he climbs into the bath to provide me sexual pleasure.
I am warm and comfortable and lost in delight and not a little light-headed.

He helps me out gently and takes care of me.

Then I lie down on the bed and with his mouth he gives me pleasure, worshipping my cunt. He is gentle and patient. I am quiet, my mind drifting while my body enjoys his ministrations. Selfishly I relax into the pleasure, happy to enjoy it, to receive this gift. My hands stroke his head, his hair is soft and easy to hold on to.
The pleasure builds slowly without pressure until I find myself close to orgasm. Now my mind joins in, with sexual images to help carry me over that edge, to complete my pleasure.

I am gasping, shaking, and yet somehow still relaxed. I lie back down and am caressed and held. It is a perfect moment.
It is my perfect moment.

A Brief View

I seem hardly to have time for serious kink blogging these days but it’s not forgotten. Nor is the joy of it decreased. Still happy domesticity and a myriad of other projects take my time away both from here and also from the public play and photography that fuels this blog.

This coming year though I hope to find more time for those, to satisfy my Boy’s needs and my own desires. Perhaps too I will find time to muse on the complex peculiarities of our D/s relationship, which seems (in its own unique way) to meet our fluctuating needs.

In the meantime I can reflect that this last year has been full of love and happiness and that I am truly the luckiest of women. Happy New Year to you all.

Not Really Submissive

I’ve been thinking about my ‘submissive’ fantasies and why I have them when I don’t really want to be submissive at all.

Actually when I look at it most (maybe all) of those fantasies are sexual. Let’s face it; ‘nice’ girls aren’t supposed to enjoy sex, these days it’s not even always safe to enjoy sex and anyway Dommes are supposed to be ice queens denying everybody sex.

So, that doesn’t leave many places to go with a slutty sexual fantasy. Whoever I am being, I’m not supposed to be the one being the centre of sexual attention (these days that’s surely Mat’s role) even if I’d like it. Plus while I like the idea of slutty sex (no I’m not putting the details in this post but you could read my fantasies for ideas), where on earth does one find clean, STD-free cock, that comes with an intelligent, considerate and consent aware person on the other end.
Actually, I can find those, but then when you like and respect the person on the other end, I feel rather uncomfortable about asking them to be part of my fantasies (especially if it involves multiple men which experience so far leads me to feel most men are less keen on).

Even the non-sexual aspects of those fantasies are about permission to enjoy myself, to enjoy sensations, pure physical moments without feeling guilty that I’m ‘making’ someone else do something for me, that they’re only doing it to please me, that I’m being selfish for demanding it of them.

Really (and I know some of my readers will throw something at the screen at this point) I don’t want to be a bother to anyone. Fantasies, especially submissive ones, are my way of setting up a scene where I know that I’m not a bother, where I can enjoy getting what I want, without asking and therefore without feeling guilty either for the desire itself or the imposition on someone else’s pleasure.

Whereas in real life I want (and need) to feel in control because trust does not come easy. Plus all that planning and negotiating is sometimes an unreasonable amount of effort for something I can happily enjoy in my head safely, any time I please, without any worries at all.

So fantasies are a great escape into great sex. For me, it doesn’t always need to be real, because in my head it always is.