A Submissive Side (Or Not)

Who am I? Sometimes it’s simple. Sometimes I’m just a Domme, but sometimes it’s more complicated than that.

I’m confused, lonely, frightened, endlessly searching. I want confidence, reassurance, growth.
Sometimes I’m submissive, wanting to be used, abused and loved. But for me submission turns out to be a road that leads to pain and not the good kind either.

To give myself to a Dom, what would I be asking for? Let me tell you.
I want to be encouraged, I want their hand holding mine. I want them pushing the back of my bike as I cycle along until I’m flying and I turn and discover they let go some time ago and have just been running along side me for reassurance.
But when I wobble, then I need them to be holding fast, to stop me from falling.

No human being can possibly be expected to be that person, to take me to the darkest places in my soul and bring me back safely, to give me strength and never let me down. So, submission, for me is pain, disappointment, damage to a heart already scarred by hurt.

I cannot live those fantasies without harm, so I will not live them.
Yet they resurface now and again, to be enjoyed alone inside my mind and also, it seems, here with you.

Author: Caitlin

Geeky, kinky and poly. Discovering my Domme side. Sometimes NSFW and 18+.

4 thoughts on “A Submissive Side (Or Not)”

  1. I’m a great believer in that, when the heart / soul / general odd mystical wibbley stuff is truly ready for something an opportunity (the right opportunity) will present itself.

    I hope you manage to reach that place safely sometime.

    DM x

    1. I think I agree with you about opportunities presenting themselves. I also think that submission is just really, really unhealthy for me and ends up making me very unhappy.
      I guess I’m very happy that the opportunity came along to learn to be a Domme and let me enjoy kink from a good place.

      1. It could be, certainly. But then if your thoughts are repeatedly turning to the idea? Maybe there is something there you are searching for, that you haven’t found yet. Healing? Resolution? Catharsis? Who knows… Maybe it can be found somewhere else and submission is not the way for you or maybe some special wibbly person will come along and help you find it some day, who knows 😛

        Either way I’m also glad you can enjoy kink from a good place, regardless of the occasional complication because I have enjoyed meeting your lovely self through it!

      2. Firstly I’ll say how happy I am to have met you too.
        Actually your comment has prompted some thoughts on what I am looking for but I think they deserve a blog post of their own. I’ll go and write one…

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