When Mat and I go out to a play party, our emphasis is on the play, the freedom to express our relationship in ways we cannot day to day.
Sometimes that play involves tieing my boy and hurting him or writing on him with sharpies but sometimes it involves nothing more than having him at my feet and petting him or leaving him locked in a cage while I eat chocolate biscuits.
We were out playing recently and at the end of the evening one of the hosts commented to me “You looked like you were having fun”. I was startled by the comment because it was the second time recently that such a comment had been made to me and it made me wonder what prompted it.
You see, I don’t know what we look like when we play and really I don’t want to. I suspect if I ever watched myself I’d be so embarrassed I’d never be able to pick up a flogger again. In general I don’t even want to be aware of the people watching us. No, I know the first rule of performing is not to meet the audience’s eyes, I don’t need feedback to put me off.
I also don’t know if we play differently from anyone else. I know I aim for enthusiasm. Although my boy assures me at the start of each event that I should do only what I want to, that he would be happy sitting at my feet with his head in my lap all evening if that’s what I wished; I know he is silently (and sometimes not so silently) grading my performance with particular emphasis on using the kit available.
For me what determines how I play is how comfortable I am. In a new venue being shown around helps enormously. I like to know where I am and what is expected and allowed. Arriving early is good too. I like to find a quiet area to warm up gently without too much of an audience, particularly if I’m experimenting with an unfamiliar piece of furniture.
The rest depends on my boy, the more submissive he is the happier I am. Oh I can cope if he’s in an irreverent, humorous mood and I can laugh my way through a flogging with him. But when he’s quiet, submissive and respectful I can let myself go, experiment, play; I can fly.
Then time rushes by and all too soon we realise people are packing up around us and it is time to leave and I smile a floating, happy smile and nod gently when people say I had fun.