I overheard a conversation on twitter discussing whether male and female subs were different; particularly when it comes to aftercare. I found this concept interesting, having a dual perspective being both a Domme with a male sub and (or at least have been) a sub myself.
I’ve seen a lot of comments in the past from Doms and subs about how there is a requirement to carry fluffy blankets and chocolate in your play kit for aftercare which has quite frankly always puzzled me. I don’t think my first thought after play has been for either of those. I hadn’t even realised until then that there was a separate activity called ‘aftercare’ that was supposed to happen.
Thinking about it further though I realised that all my submissive play has been part of a relationship. This means that aftercare involves snuggling in bed (or possibly the sofa) or dinner, or other home comforts but most reliably time with and cuddles from my partner. All things which happen naturally without having them labelled or demanded in advance.
Given that this means that I do therefore require some form of aftercare, the question is how is my Boy different.
My feeling is that actually he isn’t. After play he likes to be held, to curl up close to me, to be petted and fussed, told he’s a ‘Good Boy’ and, most important of all, fed cake (although other foodstuffs are sometimes acceptable).
Sure, if those things are not available he’ll cope but then so would I. But really he does need them (and it says so on the internet).
It’s not just submissives who need fluffiness though, after play as a Domme I still need to reconnect gently, to be loved, to be safe.
So maybe aftercare is not a girl or a boy thing, or even a sub or a Domme thing; maybe it’s just to do with the type of person you are.
After an intense emotional experience it’s human to need to recover ones equilibrium and different people have different ways of doing that.
In my case that means I’ll go on providing cake.