Dumb Domme blogged here about her views on the “damsel in distress” archetype which sparked some interesting thoughts in my own head.
You see when I think about the “damsel in distress” I see her either without interest or, if I’m honest, a little bit of envy. You see the damsel doesn’t have to do anything. She waits passively and the hero comes and rescues her and carries her off to “happy ever after”. I like the idea of “happy ever after” and how lovely to have the certainty of getting there without any effort on your part.
When I look for myself though, I find myself in the “hero”. I don’t mean I see myself as amazing or all-powerful or anything like that. I mean the classical hero archetype in which the hero is set a frankly impossible challenge and ultimately must suffer, often unjustly and apparently without hope, before winning through. I think I found my vision of myself as a submissive in that understanding of suffering as part of my role but now I begin to see that is only a part of my journey for me to become something else.
I recently found this powerful piece on bullying. If you’ve ever been bullied (and I was) I’d recommend watching it. I think this explains some of why I find the hero archetype so powerful for me. I suffered for a long time and although it still does and always will hurt in some ways – I survived.
I learnt though, that I’m not the damsel; no one is coming to rescue me. I survived and out of pain comes strength. What comes too is the desire to be the hero, to protect and support others, to rescue the damsel, to ensure that no one else ever cries for a hero who is not there to rescue them.
Of course I’m only human and a weak and hugely flawed human at that. I cannot hope to be the hero I want to be, I am still not strong enough and sometimes I still wish I could simply give up and be the damsel. Yet I find myself always striving to be the hero.
I think that role is partially reflected in my D/s too. As a Domme I see myself as a protector, as a comforter, not as the “villain” (despite the fact that, yes, I am the one causing physical pain). Yet don’t confuse the two, my Domme side is more than a “hero” and my “hero” side does not exist solely in D/s. It is simply part of who I am, or who I strive to be.