Cherry Doll posted these questions on FetLife; they are her questions as a submissive. They fascinated me because some of them are questions I would ask as a submissive, some are questions I would love to be asked as a Domme and some are simply good questions for any relationship at all.
I don’t know Cherry personally so I’ve attempted to answer them as though they were being asked by a hypothetical* submissive of mine.
1. When you ask questions while you’re fucking/beating/whatevering me, do you really want me to answer?
In general yes. Certainly if the question is ‘are you ok?’. If it sounds more rhetorical then perhaps you just thinking about it is enough but if I repeat it then answer me.
2. How would you like me to give you feedback? (Both positive and negative.)
While holding me close or at least touching me skin-to-skin. The closer we are physically the easier it is for me to listen to you. Put me at arms length and I’ll get defensive (yes even of positive comments).
3. Do I always have permission to say no/stop/slow down regardless of the action or our relationship?
Always. I’d like it to be in a way that we can exit gracefully together but if you need something to stop then it does.
4. What do you think about my hair? Honestly.
You already know. I love stroking it and pulling it, isn’t that answer enough.
5. Will you do that thing that you love with me? Not only with me, but definitely with me.
Oh yes. I love to share the things I enjoy.
6. Will you sometimes do that thing that I love with me?
Equally yes, assuming it’s possible, if not I’ll share the fantasy with you.
7. Will you use me (beat on me/tie me up/smack me around/fuck me) even though maybe I didn’t do anything “wrong” or “right” or even though it’s not a play party but just because it feels good and makes all the other bullshit seem way more like trivial bullshit?
Yes, yes, yes. This. I want to use you because it feels good, because it makes the rest of the world less stressful and less important. I want to use you because it makes me feel centred, connected to you. It’s not a reward or a punishment, it’s just us.
8. If I’m generally quiet, but you like noise, and you tell me to be louder, do you want me to … fake reactions? Do you want me to just turn up my amp and scream more? Do you want me to ask you to do more of what you’re doing?
Don’t ever fake a reaction to me, how can I know what works for you if you do that. I love listening to the noises you make naturally, especially the little tiny ones. Just be yourself.
9. How would you like to hear that I want to spend more time with you?
‘I’d like to spend more time with you’. Just tell me.
10. How would you like to hear that I’m feeling a bit jealous and would like your help working through it?
‘I’m feeling a bit jealous, can you work through it with me?’ Directness is only going to help here.
11. How can I tell you that I’m scared but I don’t want you to stop?
‘I’m a bit scared’. That’s likely to get reassurance and double checking (‘are you ok?’). Scared can be good fun though, I won’t actually stop unless you then ask me too.
12. If we’re in public, and I hear or see you doing something that contradicts what you’ve done or said previously, or if I know it to be wrong, how would you like me to let you know?
Gently (see #2). Privately if you can, my ego is easily bruised, but please do tell me.
13. Is it ok for me to ask for things?
Always. I’m not a mind reader; the more you let me know what you want the more I can try and ensure both of us get what we want.
14. Even silly things sometimes?
Especially silly things. I’d love to make silly things happen for you.
15. How can I thank you for this?
By asking me questions when you need to and answering mine honestly and openly.
*Who is clearly not entirely dissimilar to Mat except that he wouldn’t ask these questions.