My Many Faces

This post started me thinking about whether I had a mothering side to my D/s relationships at all. From there I naturally started thinking about what other parts of me there were. There’s probably more than a hint of transactional analysis in this list because my parents let me read “I’m OK. You’re OK” as a child but some aspects of myself don’t seem to fit into that model at all. This list is also, of course, subject to change and indeed tomorrow may be quite different but here’s how I see myself at the moment.

  • Wife
    I have a husband and a life with him. Responsible, practical, every day. Loving and supportive (I hope). This is the background to my existence.
  • Girlfriend
    I have a boyfriend. We go on dates. This part of me is probably indistinguishable from the Wife apart from the object of my attentions.
  • Control Freak
    Organised, tidy, uptight. This part of me gets things done, she ensures the world is OK, but she doesn’t really enjoy it. The world is on her shoulders and there is no-one she can ask to help.
  • Mother
    Although she is never described by this name, Mat is sometimes definitely her little boy who she wants to protect and nurture.
  • Little Girl Lost
    This is the unhappy little girl who wants to be loved, who never feels good enough. Sometimes she feeds into the Submissive but mostly comes out when I feel insecure or low.
  • Playful Girl
    This is the happy, youthful side of me. Lost for so long, this part of me loves having fun and adventures, and enjoys simple pleasures. This is a part of me that is often squashed by the Control Freak. Not inherently linked to the Domme although it is she who owns her puppy.
  • Slut
    She is sexy, desirable, wanted. She loves sex and doesn’t have a problem enjoying it to the full.
  • Domme
    She wants to be worshipped and obeyed. In return she gives attention, approval, pain and pleasure.
  • Submissive
    She longs to please, to be petted and praised. She wants to give pleasure. Not really a masochist although she will accept suffering if it brings another pleasure.
  • Geek
    This is the person who spent literally hours in html view formatting and reformatting this post to get it looking just the way she wanted.

Is everybody this complicated, or is it just me?

Author: Caitlin

Geeky, kinky and poly. Discovering my Domme side. Sometimes NSFW and 18+.

7 thoughts on “My Many Faces”

  1. I like this post. I often think about my many facets and layers and how they insect and how many layers are divergent and never cross paths. .

    I think People of substance are complex.

  2. So many faces…complicated but fascinating!!!
    How do they talk beetwen each other?
    How is it possible to listen all their voices?
    Wich one it is your favorite (at the moment)?
    Sure, it is complicated…but when you got just one… it could be a little boring.

    1. At the moment I think Playful Girl is my favourite because she’s so happy and enthusiastic and doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her even if she is getting ridiculously excited over a steam train.
      The Domme is also incredibly fascinating because she’s still so new to me.

      Caitlin x

  3. I think all these facets are needed, for most women they help keep us balanced and sane. Using one to cope with difficulties, and another to escape and let go, it’s a matter of survival.

    1. I know what you mean, sometimes I need to express one side or the other to ‘reset’ my brain into a calm, happy place. I wonder at your comment though ‘most women’, is it different for men do you think?

      Caitlin x

      1. Absolutely different for men. I had a therapist once that explained it well for me, he said that women’s brains have a bunch of tvs on, all on different channels, and of course we are trying to pay attention to each one. But that men’s brains only have a couple going at the same time. That is why women need so many facets, to be able to deal with each “sitcom” *grin*

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