My boy is broken and so I have been holding back from using him.
I told him seriously I would wait until he felt he was able to take it no matter how much I might want to fuck him.
He told me then, “when I get completely smooth then you can do what you want. I won’t tell you” he said, “you’ll just find I’m smooth and you can choose what you do to me”.
My boy getting smooth is always for me, always a way of offering his body to me but this was a serious choice. I knew he might not wait until he was completely better but only until frustration compelled him.
So there he was, fresh out of the shower, dressed and clean. His nipples were erect, pushing through his t-shirt. I couldn’t help but notice and I couldn’t help but tweak them. When he guided my hand across his smooth chest under his top then I knew what he was telling me and I knew why his nipples had been hard.
I took him upstairs. He lay down naked on the bed and I donned my strap-on for the first time in far too long. I tried to start slowly, knowing how long it had been since anything had stretched my boy’s cunt but I was soon fully inside him; my body above his pressing him down.
“Rape me”, he begged, “hurt me” and so I did.
I used him. I pulled his hair and rode my bitch until his hands curled in the sheets and he smothered his moans in the pillow. I raped him. I made him wank until he came while I fucked him and then kept going.
I enjoyed it certainly. It was much needed. It was also incredibly intense emotionally for me.
My boy has found a darkness in me and released it. I am left amazed that he would give himself to me so completely, knowing that I will abuse him. Asking myself how I can do that to someone I love so deeply. Almost frightened that I enjoy it so much.
Yet it was a release and a pleasure for both of us. I gave him what he needed, what he asked for.
I keep telling myself that but that was not what drove me on. When I was raping him it was pure untrammelled pleasure; I was completely lost in the moment. For that reason the responsibility is mine.
So now I am left wondering. Should I have refrained from taking him at all, or should I have held back from raping him and given him only gentle loving?
Perhaps I should have, instead I took him at his word.
I took what was mine.