So it was suggested recently that I think about my dirtiest and most depraved fantasy. This raised a question in my head as to what actually constitutes depravity. This question is hard for me to answer because my fantasies seem quite normal and natural to me (as yours do to you) but let’s consider the options.
My most innocent fantasy, that could belong to a vanilla girl, is a purely sexual and romantic one. So taking that as one end of the scale where do we end up?
At this point my fantasies head off in different directions. My darkest submissive fantasy is intense in a D/s context but relatively innocent in a sexual sense.
My currently darkest dominant fantasy (which I’ve not yet written down) is focused on the intensity of the experience for the submissive. In it I am the controlling mind, while other hands may help me, but it is in some ways barely sexual at all.
Yet while those fantasies thrill me intensely they don’t feel dirty. On the contrary they have a simple purity linked to the love I feel for the men who inspired them.
My more directly sexual fantasies, on the other hand, do hold a depraved delight for me.
They step outside the realm of the possible, into a place where I could not go in real life. I can be a slut, service many men, be covered in cum and drink it all down eagerly.
These are purely impossible fantasies because I fear the emotional backlash from them. I fear my own self hatred if I was to live them out. I fear more than that the reaction from the men I love, who might think less of me, love me less; I fear seeing rejection in their eyes.
In my fantasies though I can enjoy being such a slut. Enjoy those dark, dirty ideas from the back of my mind.
Just as long as nobody else ever knows.