I write this knowing that Mat is going to be playing with another domme today and is being filmed doing it. This is not the first time he has done this, with this same woman. Certainly he never promised exclusivity of kink and I can hardly claim any moral right to expect it; nor do I. Moreover my opinion was sought and listened to, and I willingly agreed that he should have this little adventure. I am however finding it a challenging experience in some ways.
This is not some other emotional relationship. If it was I might have expected that she and I would have sat down together over coffee, laughing and chatting, discussing what she might do to my boy. Some of that conversation would obviously be out of Mat’s earshot. Not all of it though, after all we would both want to see him squirm which he does so delightfully. Then I would have some idea what she might be doing with my boy, would feel I had some part in it.
Instead this is far more of a businesslike arrangement with a woman I have never met. I don’t even know whether she knows of my existence, probably she knows Mat has a domme, but she certainly doesn’t know me as a person. As such, I feel excluded and I find I also feel jealous of my prerogatives. Mat is after all mine, my boy, my puppy, my little one and I am responsible for taking care of him.
Still, I have let him go. Trusting that he will return. Slightly soiled and abused admittedly. Trusting that he will come and kneel at my feet and look up at me, my adoring submissive boy still.
He is, after all, mine.