I’m Not Allowed To Say

Apologies that this post isn’t full of fun and kink and filth. I’d like it to be, but that’s rather the point.

This blog was originally created to give me somewhere to be open and honest. Somewhere to share the kinky side of my personality. Somewhere to explore the joys and sorrows of my relationships. Somewhere I could say anything. That is increasingly not actually possible.

Instead, out of consideration for and in awareness of a variety of people I find myself forced to censor what I write, suppressing, altering, concealing. This need to say only the right things leaves me struggling to write posts I think I ought to write, and afraid to post the ones that flow from my fingers. Perhaps I shouldn’t even write this one, but I need to talk. To explain that my silence here and elsewhere is not me hiding away, but rather because I daren’t begin to talk about so much that goes through my head.

You might think that my life is uneventful. This is not true.

You might think it’s simply going very badly. This is not true either.

You might think I’m having far too much fun to write here. This also, is not true.

I would love to share so much with you here. I might have hoped that some of you would provide helpful and insightful comments, enjoy some of my adventures, and commiserate with me over others. I’ll never know.

I simply can’t talk about it.

Author: Caitlin

Geeky, kinky and poly. Discovering my Domme side. Sometimes NSFW and 18+.

12 thoughts on “I’m Not Allowed To Say”

  1. I think anyone would find that frustrating – having the need for the outlet that a blog offers yet feeling that you can’t say in it the things that you really need to, for fear of hurting people.

    As always of course there are choices involved. You are free to choose to write it or not and others are free to choose whether to read it or not.

    But if you do write in your blog, what you want to write, i turn as ever to the wise words of one Dr.P. and ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Some otherwise unspoken communication, gets communicated. Maybe not via the preferred channel, but communicated nonetheless. And in the long run, that’s never really a bad thing.

    sev xx

    1. “The worst that can happen”? That I destroy something precious and irreplaceable.
      But I’m certainly hoping that the worst won’t happen no matter what I write. I’d like to believe that all communication will be appreciated even if delivered awkwardly, but I also hope that I don’t stamp on too many feelings in the process.

      Caitlin xx

  2. I have noticed that once ‘real people’ know about a blog, it changes things. Even if they are ‘cool’ my mind does try to censor what I put to the page.

    1. It certainly does make a difference being read by ‘real people’, and over time anonymous strangers tend to become ‘real’ as well. It’s more difficult, but more rewarding too, I think.

      Caitlin x

  3. My goodness but this hits home for me – especially having posted something myself today that I first wrote in February then didn’t dare post at the time.

    If you’re like me, the art of writing helps process, understand one’s own feelings. I’ve learned to do that openly, freely – then sometimes not posting if so doing would risk hurting those who matter to me. But even when I’ve gone for “publish and be damned”, I’ve found others amazingly supportive of me and my right to do so.

    Good luck finding the balance.

    1. I do find writing to be cathartic, and often find a resolution to my feelings by the time I’ve finished a post, published or not. I’ll certainly keep writing and hope I get the balance right, thank you.

      Caitlin x

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