Perhaps we’re arguing semantics here, but I don’t consider myself a switch. I have both a dominant side and a submissive side, it is true, but the two are quite separate. Of course my submissive side is actually the dominant one (if you follow me). It has been there the longest, it is where my first instincts lie, where my first fantasies existed.
Importantly though I don’t feel like a switch because for me the D/s is inherent in the relationship. While the physical acts may be flexible; I can go from fucking to being fucked in a moment, the sense of dominance or submission is constant. The actual intensity may ebb or flow over time, may even be concealed entirely by other stresses and strains, but its direction within a given relationship is unchanging. It cannot be turned on or off or reversed at will.
Recently I wrote that I had lost my sense of submission, there was an empty space inside me where it should be. Then, suddenly in a random moment, Perrin’s hands were on my throat, and it surged over me. A tidal wave washing over me, filling the empty spaces in my heart. There is a sense of relief in that, of finding something lost. Finding it, of course, exactly where you left it.
Within a few moments I found myself over his knee being spanked. Spanked until he wore his hand out. Spanked lovingly, and hard. I could have stayed there for ever. The joy of that feeling, of being his, connected and close, was what I have been missing so much.
It’s so good to have it back.