Depression

I think I’m depressed.

That is, feeling worse than just feeling a bit low. I’m not very depressed, certainly not enough (at the moment) to require anything other than the love of Caitlin and support of my friends, but I’m certainly not as happy and as confident as I should be.
The problem with this is that as I’ve been feeling low, I’ve been hiding away. Not talking to friends, and even pushing my beloved Caitlin away at times. I have not been good company.
It’s here that I’m beginning to understand the stigma of admitting depression. Its a disease, like any other, yet why are we so afraid of admitting it? In doing so, and writing about it here, I believe it will help me. I’m lucky that this is only a very mild bout. Some people I’m close to have been on medication for years — that’s no easy thing to deal with. In some ways, its easier to admit that I’m poly and kinky, demonstrably so, in fact, as I’ve been writing about it here for some time!

Now to address some of my symptoms: I have been being very withdrawn and silent. To my friends: I’m sorry about that, please be patient, and understanding if I appear to be ignoring you. I’m not, just unable to provide an answer at this time.

I’m also having problems getting off my arse and doing things, so please feel free to tell me to get on and do something 😉

That’s all for the moment.

4 thoughts on “Depression”

  1. I know exactly how you feel as I have suffered from great depression myself. I used to be medicated, but when I moved from CA to NY I never renewed my prescription and I never needed to.

    I’m not in the clear, not by far. I still get depressed, but I find it to be a lot milder and much more manageable. It comes and goes for me.

    The biggest thing i notice when I’m depressed, is I also curl myself into seclusion. I no longer enjoy doing the things that used to make me smile and I have no motivation to do anything.

    I hope you find your way through this road. It is not an easy one.

    xo

    1. Gosh! Look how long its taken me to face replying to your comment. Yes, I’m right there with you on the whole seclusion thing. I hide away, and then wonder why no one is talking to me.

      Of course this just makes me feel worse…

  2. It took me years to realize I had an issue with depression, I think I kept myself from being too warm with people as a way to protect myself. Now that I have opened up (not all by choice) and I have people in my life that care about me I find the depression symptoms are coming out more. Before I think I just stayed too busy and detached to feel the sadness inside me.
    I too prefer to seclude, would curl into a ball if I could.
    There is a stigma attached, mostly I think because we really don’t understand depression.
    People seem to have the most wonderful lives but are depressed, and the process to find out why is always so drawn out. I think often we never find out or solve the “issue”.
    Most people I know, myself included, seem to survive by finding ways to reduce the symptoms but still have to deal with occasional bouts.
    Keep honest, keep trying and let others help.
    Good luck 🙂

    1. Thank you. Feeling better about myself today, and hence able to revisit this post, and people’s comments.

      I think the hardest thing is dealing with the hiding away feelings. If you push people away, they aren’t going to be there to help cheer you up!

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