1. the state or quality of being solemn
2. (often plural) solemn ceremony, observance, celebration, etc.
3. (Law) a formality necessary to validate a deed, act, contract, etc.
Ever since Mat became mine I have known that punishing him was eventually inevitable. After all this game we are playing has rules, well understood by both parties, even if never written down and even humorously debated on occasion.
I had expected, possibly even hoped, to have a little longer before it became necessary to punish him. Events surprised me however. He failed to complete a task I had set him, one I had considered trivially easily.
I then had to think seriously about what the punishment should be. It would have been far easier for me to make it something he could do/endure remotely, but in many ways that would have seemed too much like merely another task, albeit one with a slightly bitter taste. I knew that we both needed more than that. I had to deliver this first punishment myself, with my own hands. I had to see his reactions, as he needed to see mine.
So the stage was set, for a deeply solemn occasion.
I regretted the necessity which meant the event had to be delayed for a few days, so I was keen to deliver it as soon as possible when we were together. I disliked having it hanging over us, and quite honestly I was terrified. For me, this was the first time I had ever punished anybody, and I felt utterly unequal to the task.
I began of course, by ordering him to strip. When he was kneeling naked at my feet I found a sense of calm returning. There, with his head in my hands, I felt like his Domme again. I got him to stand, so I could use the riding crop on him. I mentally counted each stroke, admiring his quiet calm, and loving him in his submission. Then it was over. In many ways a moment which passed so quickly.
I’m still struggling with how hard I found it though. It wasn’t causing pain that was the problem, if it had been in play I would have had a no issues there at all. Instead the responsibility scared me, the seriousness of the moment, and my own stage fright, my insecurity that I wasn’t Domme enough for him. My own desire to be good enough, with no idea what ‘enough’ would look like.
Yet for all my uncertainties, it was what I wanted it to be. A beginning, a promise kept, a bond.