Selling Yourself Short

On reflecting on my current relationships, or even proto-relationships. I’ve realised that I have been setting my expectations too low. I’ve been harbouring a sense that my desire for people to share my life with, and not just my body was unrealistic. That I should instead accept whatever attentions I can get, accepting that as a substitute for the perceived unattainable emotional connection I long for.

Perhaps it’s due to my inability to see myself as attractive.

My sexual attractiveness is not in doubt. The evidence there is such that even I have to (finally) accept that I’m pretty, sexy, and quite a lot of fun to play with.

The sort of attractiveness that counts though, the being desired as a friend and girlfriend and not just a lover is something I find harder to accept.

I believe that anyone who really gets to know me will reject me. Everybody does. I don’t have enough to offer anyone. I simply don’t know how to have a relationship any more.

Obviously Perrin is an exception to all these views, but I genuinely don’t understand what he sees in me, so how can I possibly believe, and even more, accept, that anyone else will see it too.

It seems greedy too, to want more than Perrin to care for me. He gives me so much, how unreasonable to ask the universe for more of the same.

Still, I need to remember that it’s ok to say no. That I have a choice. That I don’t have to settle for second best. That I’m worth loving, even if I don’t understand why.

Then I can cherish the people who love me as they deserve.

Author: Caitlin

Geeky, kinky and poly. Discovering my Domme side. Sometimes NSFW and 18+.

2 thoughts on “Selling Yourself Short”

  1. I think the feeling you have of not having anything to offer is a way for you to not extend yourself and risk being rejected.
    Ask yourself if you would want to be your friend? Would you confide in you? Would you enjoy sharing a meal, a coffee or a glass of wine with you? Shopping with you? Going to a movie with you? Etc etc, you get the idea.
    When you think of these things, ask yourself why. And there will be the beginning of the list of what you have to offer. If you had nothing to offer you would not have a blog, you are sharing, you can share many things with others and bond. We all have something to offer, no matter how small it may seem, we all have a role in the lives we touch.

  2. I see bits and pieces of myself here. I decided long ago that I was no longer interested in just anyone. I set my standards high and I’ve stuck to them. I just can’t get sexually involved with someone who doesn’t connect with me deeper than a physical level. It’s just no fun for me.

    I’m also finding it extremely hard to find someone I desire. Standards too high? or perhaps I don’t have a lot to offer other than a good time in the sack?

    One things is for sure. It’s not being greedy, it’s being poly. what matters is your happiness and those involved with you.

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