A week ago, if you had asked me if I had a domme side, I would have said no.
My fantasies have always been submissive ones. I have occasionally considered the dominant’s point of view, but would have said I was doing it for the intellectual challenge of considering that point of view, rather from a desire to fill that role.
In the last week it occurred to me to ask myself whether I have a dominant side. I imagined myself, in some theoretical club, with a theoretical submissive at my feet, and quite honestly felt slightly sick at the prospect. To be fair though, that’s a strange image to choose. I have almost no experience of public play at all, and have never been to a kinky club, even as a submissive, so trying to put myself in an unknown place in an unfamiliar role is bound to be difficult. Perhaps the problem, is that I don’t know what having a dominant side would mean.
Fast forward then, to a perfectly lovely social evening, with some lovely kinky people. I had persuaded a gentlemen of my acquaintance to attend, and had lured him there with the (sincere) promise that I would look after him, and not abandon him in a room full of strange people!
Starting out then, I felt a definite sense of responsibility. A need to make sure that his evening was rewarding and pleasurable. As we talked and flirted together I saw his subtle reactions to my more jokingly assertive comments, and felt a certain thrill at his enjoyment. I began to see the appeal of control, the creation of something special, the joy of being the artist rather than the clay.
I also think that I realised a difference in me between domme and sadist. I don’t think I would much enjoy hurting someone; but control, shaping someone’s pleasure, there’s a real kick there. Of course, sometimes pleasure is pain…it’s not a binary choice.
I am still inherently submissive, and my relationship with Perrin exists within that dynamic. Yet each relationship you have creates its own dynamic, unique to the two people involved. I certainly have a domme side, if only a tiny one. I think it might be rather fun for that to get out and play a bit more.