American Beauty

We recently watched the movie American Beauty. I hadn’t seen it before and had no idea what it was about.
Naturally I’m about to put spoilers in here.

As a movie, I found it somewhat frustrating, it seemed to ramble through a slightly disconnected series of scenes with a set of dysfunctional characters, without ever catching you up in the story.
In many ways though it was fascinating, many of the scenes caught echoes of people we know, and real life situations. Perhaps that is also why it wasn’t a ‘great movie’ for me, it was too close to home.
The most disturbing realisation of this kind came at the end of the film. In this scene the hero is about to make love to the girl who he has been obsessing about for the entire film, when she tells him she is a virgin. At this point he draws back, refusing to take her innocence and instead taking care of her.
This scene moved me deeply, because I saw in his expression a look I had seen before but not truly understood.
I was told recently that I seemed innocent. That’s hard for me to reconcile, since I am no virgin, and consider myself reasonably kinky, and the person describing me knew all of that. In that scene though, and that look, I think I understood what he saw in me.
I’m honestly shaken. I’ve never seen myself that way, although on reflection, I think one other person in my past has seen me like that.
I’m looking at myself in a whole new way today.

Author: Caitlin

Geeky, kinky and poly. Discovering my Domme side. Sometimes NSFW and 18+.

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