I guess it goes without saying that Perrin and I have an interesting relationship. As such, we’re quite open to experimenting and exploring new types of play.
As always, we tend to discuss and plan extensively, and that preparation tends to ensure things go smoothly for both of us.
Recently a few interesting opportunities have presented themselves. One of these has certainly involved several interesting ‘firsts’, and I’m pleased to find that the result has so far been entirely positive in a number of delightful ways.
However I’m now facing a bit of a dilemma. Yet another exciting opportunity has been offered, and in many ways I’m extremely eager to grasp it. Some aspects of the plan however leave me extremely unsettled and nervous.
It would be easy enough to walk away at this point, but I’m aware that this would disappoint people, and quite honestly I’d hate myself for being a coward. On the other hand I’m simply not sure I’m capable of what is being asked, and I’d really hate to do a bad job, or even worse freeze up completely and be unable to do any job (which is definitely the worst outcome of all).
My usual response to this ‘performance anxiety’ would be to rehearse extensively, but some things you simply can’t rehearse for.
So potentially, one of the best experiences of my life, or possibly one of the worst. What do I do?
I think I look for Perrin’s hand to hold, and see if he can guide me through, as he always has before.