Up until the last few days Perrin and I have been at fever pitch. While that obsessively sexy feeling is fantastic, as I’ve already commented it cannot last forever, and I realised that I needed to accept that and allow it to happen.
Intellectually recognising the need for an ebb and flow of D/s is different from accepting it emotionally. Yet again, it requires trust and effort. I’m beginning to recognise those words as cornerstones of what we are building here.
It’s been interesting for me, consciously trying to allow it to fade, to settle into a place where other things, real world things, can happen. My instinct is to fight the fading of the D/s dynamic, out of fear that it will slip away entirely and be lost. I’ve struggled with myself to overcome that fear, and Perrin has been patient and understanding yet again. We’ve discussed it too, noticing where the dynamic has been, unspoken, throughout our relationship; allowing us to understand where the formalised relationship fits into the complex jigsaw that is ‘us’.
All of which brings me to an interesting place. To accept the ebb and flow, both to let go, and harder still, not to resist the pull of the returning tide. A challenge, but one I am eager to embrace.