I’ve been puzzling over gender recently. I think I have some understanding of transgender because it implies a sense of crossing from one side to the other but what then is genderqueer?

This post explains one person’s thoughts and they’re beautifully expressed but have left me feeling confused. Is genderqueer just “other but not other enough”?

I’ve never liked dividing the world up by gender but that’s just because it results in a world where I don’t fit.
I mean I’m female, genetically and physically (you’ve seen the pictures) and I’m happy with my womanly curves; but I don’t fit the socially ideal image of woman.
Sure I like sex with men, but aside from enjoying a nice cock I also love strapping on my own and fucking my Boy. Where does that leave me?

I’m not really interested in makeup or girly things. Growing up I was often ‘one of the boys’ because the things I enjoyed doing were male dominated but I felt accepted as such.
Adults seem less flexible than teenagers though.

I want to be treated as a person, respected and engaged. Not categorised or dismissed because I happen to have breasts. I resent being treated differently because of my genitalia. I don’t want anyone to assume they know my interests or preferences, not least because you’ll probably guess wrong.

Yet despite identifying with many of the points Aerie made I don’t, at the moment, feel able to claim the label ‘genderqueer’ for myself. That to me implies admitting that who I am is not a normal woman, whereas I feel content that biology makes me female but that society should stop trying to limit me because of it.
And that should surely be true for all people, no matter what gender they claim, or even if they would prefer not to claim one at all.

bigrocksI love getting naked at the beach and clambering among these rocks was lots of fun.

Happy HNT!

Rocks (big ones!) is another Scavenger Hunt location.

Scavenger-Hunt-Gold

CakeSo you want to know how to be the perfect Dominant and you’ve come looking for advice*. Well I can help you. If you are a submissive you might want to look here instead; but if following that advice gets you into trouble then you’re entirely on your own.

As a Dominant, always remember it’s all about your submissive’s pleasure. An unhappy submissive is an uncooperative submissive and nobody wants that.

As the Dominant you are expected not to need to ask your submissive what they want from you, that would be too easy. Instead you must learn to interpret their little signals. Do they lean up against you or put their head in your lap – they want to be fussed. Are they lying on their front, wriggling their bottom – they want to be spanked (gently of course). You will of course have to learn to distinguish this wriggle from the hip thrusting version which means that they want to be fucked.
Remember, a good dominant will not ask them which they want; you must just know.

As a Dominant you may also control what your submissive wears. This is a complicated area. In occasion your submissive may actively ask for your direction but they also sometimes need to be directed spontaneously. In either case it is important to choose garments that make your submissive feel sexy, no matter what the occasion (see previous comment about unhappy submissives). Start thinking of a good excuse why your submissive has turned up to the local ‘bring and buy’ sale in a straitjacket and frilly panties now.

While attempting to meet your submissive’s needs you may occasionally wish to also satisfy your own, which may not be what your submissive was expecting. Be warned, you may well encounter vigorous resistance. In this case, back off gently and go and do something else. Your submissive will come back to seek attention when they are good and ready.

As the perfect Dominant you must also provide them constantly with evidence that they are loved and wanted.
Bringing them coffee in bed is a good way to ensure they start the day remembering who owns them. Make sure too, to provide a good supply of treats. What sort of cake is their favourite? Find out. With a little effort you can have your submissive eating out of your hand (literally, if you like).

And really that’s all there is to it; with a little attention, mind reading and, of course, the perfect submissive – you too can be the perfect Dominant.

*Really? Here? 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

With a Domme (and a sub) who loves numbers, Christmas and various versions of that song how else could we celebrate Christmas but with a little game.

And so, on Christmas Day there was one stroke from the black cane for my submissive.

The next day my Boy was again ordered to lie down on the bed and present his bottom for two strokes from the butter hand (ridged side down) and, of course, one from the thin black cane.

I’ll spare you the elaborate version of this tale to reveal that on the twelfth day there was :

Five years ago I started this blog. Five years, of ups and downs and surprises, five years of love, laughter and kink. Five years of writing, photographing, playing and discovering.

Maybe sometimes this year I’ve got a little busy and not written here as much as I would have liked. I know I haven’t found time to read as many other blogs as I would have liked. If you want me to come and read yours then add a comment here and I promise I’ll come and look at it.

Play has been patchy too but what we have had has been fun. There have been a few great opportunities for getting naked outside too.

This coming year, well it may well be the year my Boy gets to suck more cock, maybe even get fucked too (offers always welcome from polite but sexy gentlemen).

I have no idea what it will bring me – but then that was always the point. The view is still changing.

 

GraveyardNaked, on his knees, he reaches up in submission. His hands pressed  against the cold stone. No one will hear his cries. He is mine to do with as I please.
The dead tell no tales…

RopeMat recently showed me a blog post. Beautifully written, it described how wonderful it felt to tie someone up. Oh, how well I know that feeling.
In fact it described how amazing it felt to tie him up. Oh, how very well indeed do I know that feeling.

Yet despite that, despite my love and longing for those moments it’s something I do very rarely and I found myself thinking about why that is. The reasons are these:

  • Lack of time. To tie my Boy needs a couple of hours without distractions or disturbances. It’s not something you can easily even stop to answer the door. Those hours are hard to find. It means not doing something else. If I tie him up then we won’t have time to catch up on that latest episode of ‘Scott and Bailey’ and I know he’s been waiting for us to have the time to watch it.
  • Lack of confidence. I’m not yet good enough, I don’t captivate him. I’m not the easy confident rigger he desires. Things go wrong and he isn’t comfortable with it. He loses focus, starts commenting and criticising and my confidence dips still further. I become more hesitant and the problem increases.
  • Fear of rejection. I want to suggest it but I know he’ll probably say ‘no’. Now’s not the time,he’s tired, we’re too busy, can we watch ‘Scott and Bailey’ instead? Each of those rejections cuts me, this is something I want, need, so much. It seems less painful to stay quiet and simply imagine the rope twisting through my hands.

But I want and need so much more than that.

So I’m going to do one thing to try to fix this. I’m going to demand some time from my Boy. A specific couple of hours, for me, to do what I need. I’ll blindfold him or gag him if I need to; but I need his body, relatively willing, for me to experiment on.

It may not be exactly what he wants, but it will be what I need. Time to play, with no need to meet anyone’s standards but my own. Time to experiment, to make mistakes but most of all to take pleasure in the rope and in my Boy.

And when he says ‘yes’, I’m going to make sure I keep asking and making that time until I can be the rigger (and Domme) he needs as much as the one I want to be.

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